Top 10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Someone on the First Date

In short, there’s absolutely no right answer. Whether or not you “should” have sex with someone the first time you meet them in real life after getting to know each other on a dating app depends on several factors, but ultimately, it boils down to how YOU feel and what YOUR values are.

Purity culture has influenced many people into thinking that we need to preserve ourselves for X amount of time before having sex with somebody we recently met or are attracted to. Frankly, that’s just not realistic these days! You can do whatever you want to. You make your own rules. You decide what’s best for you. So remember that whatever decision you make is perfectly fine.

Are you on the fence? Consider asking yourself the following 10 questions to dig deeper and help you decide whether or not you might want to sleep with them on the first date:

1. Have you discussed your intentions?

Have a conversation about your intentions and what the two of you want after the first date or sexual experience. We’re all adults. Don’t be afraid to speak up about what you want and where you stand on your decision. Express your intentions, needs, and wants before, during, and after the sexual experience. If it’s all about sex, have fun!

Check in with yourself and your partner to ensure you’re both on the same page prior to heading to the bedroom (or the backseat of the car after dinner) so the experience is enjoyable and fulfilling for everyone involved. The most important thing is to decide your own intentions about this person, whether it’s going somewhere serious or it’s just lГ¶ydГ¤ tГ¤mГ¤ tieto täältГ¤ a summer fling.

2. Do you feel like they respect you?

Avoid sleeping with anybody who doesn’t respect you or the boundaries you establish. If they don’t respect you outside of the bedroom, then they’re probably not going to respect you in the bedroom either. Choose your partners carefully. If you trust them and they make you feel safe and comfortable, then that’s a solid first step to deciding if you want to sleep with them on the first date or not.

3. What are the pros and cons of sleeping with this person?

Think about the situation. List out the benefits and negatives of having sex with your date the first time you meet. If you’ve been dying to hook up with someone for the longest time and the time has finally presented itself, then go for it. If you’ll beat yourself up for it after, you probably won’t want to go through with it.

4. How’s the chemistry between you?

You just met and the spark between you two is undeniable. If the passion is that strong from the start, you might feel compelled to hook up sooner than later. If you have undeniable chemistry with someone, everyone on board is giving consent, you have a form of protection on hand, and you feel confident about your decision, then go ahead and sleep with them!

5. Have both parties given enthusiastic consent?

Consent is king! Have you and your potential partner both verbally expressed interest in having sex in the moment? This means that ALL parties involved in the sexual experience must give an undeniable, total, overwhelming “YES.” An “eh, OK” doesn’t count. Neither does “sure” or “I don’t know.” Consent involves a verbal “yes” and clear, receptive body language. Both of you should be enthusiastically willing to engage in sexual activity, so make sure you get that response before initiating or pursuing anything. Also, remember that if you originally said yes, you can (and are encouraged to) stop at any time if/whenever things change.